So once again I have found myself at a crossroads. Stuck somewhere between the person I currently am, and the person I want and need to be. Those of you who followed my last blog were a big help to me, but unfortunately I fell short of my goal and pretty much got down on myself and gave up. So right now I'm back at square one. I don't really like who I am right now (more physically than anything), but I am willing to make the necessary life changes to become who I want to be.
I've never been much of a fan of dieting but I have to start somewhere. I am currently waiting for a breast reduction. I know what most of you are thinking. But this is something I have to do for me. While big boobs are awesome in theory...live with them and you'll understand. The back pain is starting to become unbearable. Clothes shopping is a total nightmare. I have to buy shirts 2 sizes bigger than usual to cover the girls, and forget about cute tops or dresses. And bras are just out of the question. Its also a self esteem issue. Everyone looks, and looks again...you don't think I notice, but I do. Everyone is either staring, trying not to stare, or commenting on them. Yes, I know they're big, and I know they're there...thanks for reminding me. I saw the doctor today for my consult and she told me to lose 20 lbs before they'll consider working on me. Only so I'll be proportional after the surgery. Totally understandable. So...160 will be my first checkpoint. This is where they'll be able to operate. my next checkpoint will be 153, this is where I am withing weight standards for the navy. and my final goal is 145, this is where I will be at a weight that I have been most healthy at and comfortable with myself. Its going to be a long road but I am up for the challenge and I refuse to give up on myself again.
I am going to buy a Kinect as soon as possible. I played Dance Central when I was home on leave and it was a total workout, and lots of fun. They also have tons of weight loss/exercise games out on Kinect that I know will help. I've never been a fan of the gym or taking classes there. Just not comfortable. The games give me the intesity of the class in the comfort of my home. So i am currently saving up for that. Hopefully I'll have it by the end of next month.
I have a lot of work ahead of myself, and for those of you who are will be following me, I thank you for your support. I don't know what I'd do without you ;) Stay tuned readers. <3
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